Saturday, June 09, 2007
Remember the entry about the kid where if you cut him open, you could find planets? I may have been overstating the matter. I have a sickening feeling that actually, if you cut him open, you'd just find a lot of Space, maybe a couple of meteors, a frozen, gaseous, unpopulated planet on a perpendicular axis (Uranus?), and a big black hole. (If you interpreted these items as heavy-handed but fitting (ha-ha) allusions to anal sex, you'd be right.)
Anyway, the sickening part of the feeling comes from the fact that I guess I probably lied to him a bit, or at least overstated the matter, once again. He really wants me to move up to P_______ and be his girlfriend, which, though I spent the last couple months writing him affectionate postcards and myspace messages ( barf ), I just suddenly realized I have very little desire to do. In addition to my gradual to sudden realization (think exponential function graphed) that he's kind of (understating the matter?) a "loser" for most intents and purposes, I just plain don't have the money to live anywhere but my parent's house this summer (free bed, free grilled cheese sandwiches, free parental affection). I'm also sickened by the fact that this kid will invariably flip the fuck out when I tell him this, since I hate fighting in relationships (or whatever the hell this is), especially when I really probably hold the more reasonable position. I don't want to see him heartbroken by my hand when he was nice enough to provide me with three whole days of good beer, unending compliments, yummy scrambled eggs and phenomenal head, but at the same time, it doesn't mean that I owe him my summer, or anything, really, but general human kindness, right? Oh gosh.
Also, here's a poll: should I be a nanny for a week around Solstice time and get to hang out at an amazing hippie hot springs for free, or go see Feist, like I'd agreed to, with the kid? Which is better, or more noble, or more conscionable? But think of it: hot springs!!! ¶ 4:16 PM
Anyway, the sickening part of the feeling comes from the fact that I guess I probably lied to him a bit, or at least overstated the matter, once again. He really wants me to move up to P_______ and be his girlfriend, which, though I spent the last couple months writing him affectionate postcards and myspace messages ( barf ), I just suddenly realized I have very little desire to do. In addition to my gradual to sudden realization (think exponential function graphed) that he's kind of (understating the matter?) a "loser" for most intents and purposes, I just plain don't have the money to live anywhere but my parent's house this summer (free bed, free grilled cheese sandwiches, free parental affection). I'm also sickened by the fact that this kid will invariably flip the fuck out when I tell him this, since I hate fighting in relationships (or whatever the hell this is), especially when I really probably hold the more reasonable position. I don't want to see him heartbroken by my hand when he was nice enough to provide me with three whole days of good beer, unending compliments, yummy scrambled eggs and phenomenal head, but at the same time, it doesn't mean that I owe him my summer, or anything, really, but general human kindness, right? Oh gosh.
Also, here's a poll: should I be a nanny for a week around Solstice time and get to hang out at an amazing hippie hot springs for free, or go see Feist, like I'd agreed to, with the kid? Which is better, or more noble, or more conscionable? But think of it: hot springs!!! ¶ 4:16 PM
